ABOUT ADHD: What it is and what it isn’t
Unlike when I was a child, the term ADHD is now in common use. A lot of people kind of get it, or think they do, but there are still a lot of misunderstandings about it. A couple of myths I’ve heard floating about are that everybody is a little ADHD or that it’s cause is our fast-paced lifestyle. While just about everyone gets disorganised or distracted at times and the rapidity and demands of modern life get in the way, these sorts of myths are often experienced as dismissive and even hurtful to those with this diagnosis.
ADHD also suffers from a rather unhelpful name, suggesting that it is primarily an attention problem. If it was, you wouldn’t be able to focus on anything, would you? But I’m guessing that, like me, if you really enjoy something you can focus on it for quite a long time. That’s a hint to the issue. Sometimes we ADHD’ers spend a lot of time doing things we like and fail to get around to important things. I know I do. Give me a really challenging crossword puzzle and I’m gone for hours. Give me tax forms and I’ve glazed over within seconds!
In fact, ADHD is a neuro-physiological condition affecting self-regulation and self-management. This has to do with what are termed the executive functions of the brain. Think about the CEO of a company. When s/he isn’t in charge and doing the job properly, all sorts of things can go awry.
Despite being a neuro-physiological problem, ADHD shows up behaviourally which means that people close to the person wearing the symptoms (colleagues, parents, spouses, teachers, friends) can become impatient and upset with what look like ‘on-purpose’ behaviours. Nothing could be further from the truth. People with ADHD are often trying extremely hard to keep it all together, and it is not easy to live with feelings of constantly disappointing and annoying the people you respect and love. It can be a struggle to feel good about yourself when everything you try to accomplish seems to disintegrate into dust. As a result, anxiety and depression are common side-effects.
That may sound like a load of bad news, but there are solutions, and that’s where I come in. The key is structure and it can take many forms. I’m here to help you find options tailored to your individual situation. It can take some digging, but it can be done.
HOW I WORK: A few notes on how I approach ADHD
It’s a problem, but you probably already know that. One of the biggest challenges is that ADHD’ers are a minority in a world that often doesn’t understand us. This means that we frequently have trouble getting others to respect the accommodations we need in order to function well in society. It isn’t easy being different and while people like to celebrate the outspoken, the unbridled, the free spirits and the unorthodox, they often become frustrated when living or working with them.
Depending upon where you look for information about solutions, you may find that counselling is suggested. This is not my primary approach. If ADHD is essentially a neuro-biological condition, then how can counselling help? Often it doesn’t, especially the so-called traditional modalities. If you had a broken back and were confined to a wheelchair, you wouldn’t be sent for counselling, would you? So why is this often the primary suggestion when someone has ADHD?
Due to the fact that ADHD symptoms show up behaviourally, a prominent belief is that you need to fall in line, that you need fixing. You don’t need fixing. You might need to learn some strategies and work-arounds, but you aren’t a broken chair that needs a glue job! That being said, there are often secondary emotional issues that arise as a result of carrying symptoms. Those need addressing. Grief can swell up and needs to be worked through, but always in the context of understanding the core issues of ADHD. Anxiety and depression are common as is perfectionism. These are just some of the side-effects that can be sorted through with counselling.
Everyone has strengths. Yes, even you! I don’t see any point in focusing on failure, dislikes or past missteps unless, as mentioned above, it is part of grief work. In order to find a way to move forward, strengths, assets and interests are the way to go. Solutions lie in focusing on what you enjoy, where you excel and what lights you up.
The solution to dealing with ADHD is structure, always and ever structure. That’s what keeps the inner CEO in line and this can be achieved via many forms. Some people choose medication, but not everyone manages medications well and some prefer not to use this method. There are lots of other options for creating structure and together we will work to find them.
It will take trial and error and involve some ups and downs, but it is doable. Finding these options means you need to be honest about what hasn’t worked up until now and be willing to give up the pursuits of perfection and comparing yourself to others (especially those who don’t have ADHD). We’re looking for better, not perfect.
CURIOSITY WITHOUT JUDGEMENT is my mantra for life and it fits perfectly with the challenges of ADHD. If you’ve been struggling with its symptoms then I’m guessing it’s possible that you’ve heaped loads of judgement upon yourself. The art of Curiosity is a fantastically liberating practice that allows one to look critically at what is working and what isn’t. I promise to bring this element to our work…always. No shaming. No blaming…ever!
I’d be remiss if I didn’t include humour as a critical element of the way I approach ADHD. Come on now, you know we ADHD’ers do some really hilarious things in our attempts to get along! So, if you have a sense of humour, then you’re already in possession of one of the greatest of all human virtues. The ability to laugh at oneself is a gift indeed. I won’t laugh at you but I will laugh with you (and only if you’re okay with it). It isn’t all bad. Sometimes it can be pretty funny!